The Life of Nicky

I have a horse. His name is Nicky. He is an uppity Arab with the traditional dishy narrow face and attitude. He is my sweet boy and I adore him.

I saw an ad on craigslist for a free 12 year old gelding who needed a new home. It was not horribly far from our house in Colorado, so Rob and I went to look at him. Rob had said I could find a horse of my own to add to our current bunch of equines.

We drove up to the address and got a look at a skinny Arab basically living on a pile of rocks. There were other horses in the same paddock as him, who were all quite fat an sassy looking. This gelding looked pretty dejected at his current state of living quarters.

The owners came out to talk to us about him. Claimed they had him for a few years, but he was totally not ride-able due to major back problems. They outlined the fact that they could only ride him for 10-15 mins at a time before he was in such pain and acting up that they had to put him back in the paddock. Their vet confirmed his disability, but did not give it a name. The owners claimed they were trying to find a saddle fitter to get him a custom made saddle to alleviate any pain he was feeling and be useful again but to date it had been futile as nothing helped him more than a few mins at a time.

The current owner also claimed to be a horse trainer, and they wanted to move him out of their place, so they could bring in other horses for training.

Basically they wanted a problem out of their paddock.

We watched him move around and get pushed off the hay by the other horses. He was low man on the totem pole as it were in this bunch. The owners got a halter on him and lets us run hands over him. He never flinched or shy-ed away from anything I touched on him. Picked up his feet great, let me touch his face, ears, belly, butt, back, you name it, I touched it. Rob ran his hands over him for a few mins but more stood back and watched the interaction between me and this horse. Not once did he pin his ears back during all of this.

This horse was about 400-500lbs underweight. My heart was breaking seeing these conditions he was under. Pushed off hay, owners just wanting him gone, claims of disability.

After about an hour of time with this horse and the owners, we had to leave. The discussion on the way home was….

Me: I want him

Rob: He is sick

Me: We can get him well

Rob: Ok, its your decision.

Me: Good, I’ll call the owners when we get home.

And call I did. We made arrangements for a pick up date and time about 5 days later. Work schedules didn’t mesh well for all parties involved, plus we needed to do the brand inspection first too.

On November 3, 2009 Snickers, now called Nicky, came to live with us. This is also Rob and my wedding day. It was a monumental day for Nicky, Rob and me to say the least. We picked him up in the morning, and got married in the afternoon.

The day Nicky came home with us.

Nicky spent most of that first winter with us living in the barn recovering from his previous life. He ate all the hay and grain he desired. Lived out of the snow and wind, got fatter, and we got to know each other quite well.

He got to be quite the sassy boy as he got better.

He did get time outside in one our corrals and got to know the other horses we had at the time. Everyone seemed willing to co-exist with each other.

Come spring, he got to indulge in green grass, and I got my first ride on him with an Aussie saddle on him.

Rob was not big on English saddles, he was a western guy thru and thru. He was convinced I would fall off. I tried to tell him that when I started riding as a child that all I rode on were English saddles, and to date had only fallen off twice. We did compromise on the Aussie with the wings, just so I would stay on. BTW I do know how to ride western and ran barrels and keyhole in addition to hunter/jumper.

True to form, after about 10 mins of walking circles in the corral, Nicky was getting pissy. Rob suggested I try to back him up and see if he was better. Ok, so I did.

For about 20 feet.

Nicky was not amused.

But he had a major change of attitude.

Like, oh crap, they figured me out change of attitude.

He had everyone fooled. He found out if he got pissy, they would stop riding him and leave him alone.

I can’t say that I blame him. When someone doesn’t treat me well, I get pissy and just want them to leave me alone also. Guess you could say Nicky and I were kindred spirits in that manner.

We had many years of riding, and having fun with each other. Every once in a while, he had to try and assert himself by being pissy and we did the backup routine on more than one occasion as an attitude adjustment. He was just showing his Arab side.

After I had my knees replaced, riding became less of an option for me. I could not pull myself up in the saddle anymore, and had to use a mounting block. Nicky would stand for it thankfully. Unfortunately it was my turn to be in pain riding and I got pissy about it. Backing me up didn’t seem to have the same effect on attitude with me.

So Nicky, and his buddies Babe, Brandy and Leo were more or less retired. All four adjusted to their new digs in Wyoming when we moved. Babe passed away in 2019, Leo went to work on cattle ranches in Texas and California with his traveling cowboy, and Brandy is still here.

Fast forward to 2020. We took Brandy and Nicky down to the vet to get their teeth floated. As the elders, they were having issues with eating and this is a good fix for that issue. As they were working on Nicky, they found a tumor on his thyroid. It was about the size of a golf ball at the time. Vet didn’t think it would be much of an issue as these are fairly common and 90% of the time, benign.

I kept an eye on this, checking it every few weeks and finding it was not getting larger.

Nicky has always been pretty much a hard keeper. Meaning, keeping him fat was always a challenge. He would usually lose weight over winter, even with free choice hay and grain supplements. Then fatten back up in the spring and summer.

Wyoming winters were harder on him than the Colorado ones he was use too. So he spent lots of time in the barn with a wool lined blanket on, dining twice daily on warm mash of alfalfa and beet pulp with free choice hay. He did ok, not great, but not horrible. We were able to keep his weight loss to a minimum.

After much discussion last fall with the vet, it was determined that in addition to the thyroid tumor, he also had Cushing’s disease, and the vet suspected systemic cancer, although we did not test for it.

This was one of those Oh Fuck moments that creep into life. I was just handed a death sentence for my best buddy.

I did what I could to fatten him up before winter hit, and he did put more weight on. I got his blanket all cleaned up, fluffy, and ready to go. The barn was ready for him, and Brandy (cus they hate being apart) to go in for the bad storms and weather. By ready, I mean hay was prepositioned and pens were set up as we have no stalls in this barn.

I held my breath all winter and it was a hard one. Several bouts of wind chills in the -40 to -50 degree range. The ponies were in the barn, out of the wind, out of the wet, and even though it was cold, they were protected.

And I watched him slowly lose weight. I bumped up his food, and he to his credit, he ate it.

He made it thru the winter and the grass started to come up. He was happily grazing all day, eating his hay, and grains, and looking pretty good all things considered.

Then he started losing weight. Fast.

In just a few short weeks, he lost all that he had gained once the weather broke.

I had that horrible thought that this was the beginning of the end.

He had been fighting all his medical issues so hard. But they were starting to get the best of him. The thyroid tumor went from a golf ball to half a softball over the winter.

The vet was not optimistic anymore.

So I love on him all that he would let me, knowing it was just a matter of time now.

Last Friday, May 5th, he went down.

He got up a few times but was very unstable on his feet. He wobbled around some, drank water, ate some grain, and went back down.

And could not get back up.

There was nothing the vet could do for him anymore. We, my son and I, had to let him go.

We spent our last time with him. I sat with his head on my lap, telling him that it was ok for him to go, that I loved him so very much, that I would see him on the other side one day again, that Rob was waiting for him with all his friends that preceded him. I told him he would be running in green pastures and sleeping under shady trees, no more pain, no more suffering, and that he would be a fat sassy boy again. I kiss his nose, inhaling his scent and rubbing his cheek.

I saw the love and trust in his eye as he looked at me. And I saw the pain there too.

Michael spent time with him, saying his words of love in his ear, stroking his neck, and kissing his forehead.

For those of you who have never been owned by a horse, there is an amazing bond of trust and love on both sides. It’s a bond that is so strong. I have to trust that he won’t dump me on the ground and stomp me into a pile, and he has to trust that me with the predator eyes wont hurt him or put him in a position that he will hurt himself. It’s amazing.

Once that bond forms, its unbreakable, until death parts you both. Even then, it holds onto your heart.

The time came to end my Nicky’s suffering. He is running free with his friends and being watched over by my Rob until it’s time for us to join them again.

He passed quickly and in no pain.

Brandy was also present when he passed. She vented her rage and grief by racing around the pasture screaming to the sky for him. She is also heartbroken.

We left his poor body in the pasture overnight intentionally, so that Brandy would understand that he was not coming back. She stood guard over him all night. She never left his side.

I know she is depressed. She got depressed when Rob left her. And she has never been alone. She has always had another horse with her for her entire life. She and Babe were purchased by Rob at the same time. So she went from her mother to Robs place with Babe, then she had others over the years to be her friends.

I worry for her now. I don’t know if she can survive this loss. When we lost Dee Dee and Annabell, they were only 6 months apart when they passed, and they had been together for 26 years both as mother and daughter and our draft horse team.

Leo, one of our sheep boys loves her and has been shadowing her for the past few days. I hope that with Leo, my son and I, it will be enough for her. I cant financially add another horse, who she may end up hating, to the farm.

Please keep her in your good thoughts.

Thank you Nicky for being in my life, and letting me be in yours for the past 14 years. Thank you for the trust you gave me. I have been blessed by your presence and am grateful for all our wonderful rides together. I will never forget the feeling of freedom as I raced across the pasture on your back. Thank you for all the beautiful memories, lip nibbles, and sloppy kisses.

My heart is broken, even as yours is healed.

Blessed Be.