A Funky Place

Hello dear readers, I have not forgotten about you this week.

I find that I am in a funky place in my heart and mind.

The second anniversary of the extended hospitalization, where I was not allowed to be with him, and his ultimate death is coming up soon.

The whole horrid period of time starts on Sept 12th and he left this world on Oct 24th.

I find myself feeling so angry at what transpired and the people who allowed it to occur.

I suspect when this time came last year, I was still somewhat numb to it all. This year, not so much, and it feels so much more incredibly painful. Last year I also had my tribe coming in for his celebration of life and I had them to lean on. This year, I’m just home, staring at the walls, looking at all the space he use to fill.

I can see him standing at the kitchen stove, one hand in his jeans pocket, hip cocked to the left as he stirs sausage gravy. Or laying on the bed, head propped up watching tv. Driving his tractor around the pasture, discing the back pasture so it grows better.

Kissing him first thing in the morning as we are both just waking up.

Dancing to some corny 70’s love song in the kitchen.

I ask your patience as I go thru this time. I’ll try to draw out my whitty (haha) self and give you something more interesting to read.

Blessed Be.