A Life Cut Short

On my way into work Tuesday morning, I saw a sight that I have not seen in many years.

It was a really, really bad truck accident. They went off the road, hit a tree head on, and flipped over onto the roof. If I had to make a guess, they were going between 70-80mph at the time they went off the road. It looks like the trailer they were towing flipped so high it took off the top of the tree they hit.

For those of you who don’t know, I spent many years doing both inner city and rural EMS. I was trained to one step below a paramedic.

This was during the 1990’s. My inner-city experience was in Hartford CT, and it was at the height of the gang wars. The bloods and the crips had moved out to the east coast and were fighting over turf at the time. There were daily shootings, beat downs, drug ODs, and domestic violence.

The rural aspect was in my hometown and consisted of everything from car accidents, house fires, to a farmer falling off his tractor and getting run over to someone falling in a corn silo.

At the time, I was single, no kids, and lived alone. I learned to compartmentalize each call so that I did not dwell on it very much. For the most part, the dreams and nightmares were minimal. I did have some. The bad calls do stick with you. Even to this day one will creep in and make itself known all over again. They say there is a call with your name on it, and someday it will catch you.

It had.

There were a few holes in my walls that were the result of just having to punch something to get the anger out. Mostly it was anything to do with kids. Those calls are the worst.

They were always the innocents in this mess of life. Accidents, illness, and, sadly, abuse were not things that should happen to kids. It made me angry, and I did punch my walls.

Back to Tuesday.

As I was driving to work, I was looking out for the deer that move back and forth across the road. I did see 4 of them.

As I got closer to town, I saw a white truck parked on the sidewalk by the highway rest stop. I was wondering who had parked down there, figuring it was someone walking their dog.

Nope.

Debris in the road and my eye caught sight of the truck.

Oh shit. This is ugly.

I pulled over, put on my flashers, and walk towards the accident.

There are 3 guys walking around with bloody faces and hands. All moving, talking, and alert. I zeroed in on the truck. There was one other gentleman who was trying to help, along with a few lookie-loo’s on the sidewalk. One lady was on the phone to the Sheriff’s dispatch describing the accident.

I talked to the gentleman at the truck and ascertained that he had no medical training, and I took control of the entire scene. One person was still in the truck, and I was not sure if he was pinned or not. He was not breathing well and was unconscious. Not even painful stimuli was arousing him.

I told the lady on the phone to get the medical helicopter headed this way.

I waited for the local fire dept and EMS to arrive. Asked questions, talked to the guys who were bleeding that refused to sit down, moved debris away from the truck so that the local EMS could get in without falling down, and had the gentleman who was assisting keep me informed of the patient’s condition.

Another gentleman arrived with a small first aid kit that he offered me. I asked him to get some dressings for the other 3 bleeding men, which he did.

Unfortunately, due to my replaced knees and hip that needs replacing, I can no longer crawl around in wrecked vehicles.

When they did arrive, I gave them the rundown of what I knew, and when they were satisfied, I left the area. No reason for me to be in their way now.

Sadly, the young man lost his life in this accident.

The overriding thought I had thru the entire experience was…..

I’m so fucking glad this was not one of my kids. I kept thanking the God’s for that blessing.

That is not something I had ever thought of before on any call I had been on.

The thought really shook me to the core. I did get thru my day at work with a semi-smile on my face. Told the folks who knew I had been at the accident I was fine. Got home and fell apart for a while. My Misher pup burrowed his head into me and just let me cry on his head for the loss of this young man who was just starting his life of being an adult. He was far too young for this.

So much for compartmentalization, right?

I’m not sure what to do with this now. I did tell both my kids how much I love them and how I wish I could hug my daughter and grandbaby. My son told me he loves me. I asked both of them to be safe in their lives.

This has been a whole new way of me looking at this. A way that I did not understand before now when my EMS partners who had kids felt so horrible after a call like this. We always talked on the way back to the station after a call. What went right, what went wrong, and if we were both alright. I held hands. hugged, and let them cry on me without my full understanding of their pain.

I get it now.

I shall mourn for the loss of this young man that I did not know except for his first name. For the life he did not get to live. For the tragic way he crossed to the other side.

I will mourn for the people who love this young man. For the loss they will have to live with. For the hugs and special events that he will not be there for. For his smiling face only to be seen now in a picture.

I will mourn for his co-workers who have to live with this accident and pray they will have peace over it.

I will always be grateful that this was not my child. I will pray to my God’s for the continued blessing and ask for them to keep my children safe.

Blessed Be.