“You're so strong” “I could never manage what you are going thru” “If it was me, I would just lay down and never get up again.” “You are the strongest person I know, I just couldn’t” These are a few of the phrases I’ve heard over the past 15 months since my Rob has passed. While they feel good to hear, and they do feel good for about 10 mins, they also hurt like hell.
My first child, who passed away at 37, was severely handicapped and mentally retarded. Starting in her first few months after her birth people would say to me things like,
“You are so strong. If this had to happen to anyone, its good it happened to you because you can handle it.” What I realized later is this was a thinly veiled way for them to say “I sure glad this didn’t happen to me.” Life ain’t fair.
I call it courage that you are facing and dealing with life's slings and arrows - it does suck, it isn't what you signed up for - and yet you are still here doing the best you can. My hat is off to you.
The first time I had cancer, the comments that meant the most to me were from friends that stated, this sucks. I didn't want to be cheered up, I just wanted people to acknowledge that it is horrible to have cancer. Those that knew me, knew I was a warrior, and did what I had to survive for my 3 kids that were in elementary school. You fight because you have to or die. That is the only choice, rise to the level of a warrior or give up. Cheerleaders are great especially those with chocolate. But those other people can go pound sand because they are useless and (maybe) unknowingly hurtful.
Another word for this kind of "strength" is "integrity".
But they don't really want to say, "I would never have that much integrity", so they call you "strong", which is safer for them.
My first child, who passed away at 37, was severely handicapped and mentally retarded. Starting in her first few months after her birth people would say to me things like,
“You are so strong. If this had to happen to anyone, its good it happened to you because you can handle it.” What I realized later is this was a thinly veiled way for them to say “I sure glad this didn’t happen to me.” Life ain’t fair.
I call it courage that you are facing and dealing with life's slings and arrows - it does suck, it isn't what you signed up for - and yet you are still here doing the best you can. My hat is off to you.
The first time I had cancer, the comments that meant the most to me were from friends that stated, this sucks. I didn't want to be cheered up, I just wanted people to acknowledge that it is horrible to have cancer. Those that knew me, knew I was a warrior, and did what I had to survive for my 3 kids that were in elementary school. You fight because you have to or die. That is the only choice, rise to the level of a warrior or give up. Cheerleaders are great especially those with chocolate. But those other people can go pound sand because they are useless and (maybe) unknowingly hurtful.